heartfelt

From the bottom of my very full heart, thank you so much my dear, dear friends, for all of your kind words yesterday.

she who hesitates

I just love this fortune that Neel got in his cookie Friday night! How wonderful is that?

Unfortunately, on Saturday, that fortune felt like it was meant for me. Last week I came across an opportunity to take a photography workshop with two women whose work I very much admire. It was a dream-come-true kind of thing, really.

But a lot of money. Especially to spend on something that doesn't generate any real income for our family.

Neel was incredibly supportive, and I had friends and other family who were too. Everyone I told about the workshop said that it was a chance I should reach for with both hands. I could feel myself getting excited, but I wanted to sit with the idea for just a bit. While an incredible deal and an incredible, indescribable opportunity, for our family, it was still a lot of money. I needed to think about it.

On Saturday afternoon, I got word that the workshop sold out. In 36 hours. It was a bitter blow.

I was devastated. She who hesitates is lost.

In some ways, I don't have regrets. I am not a professional photographer, so I can't regret taking some time to think about spending money like that on myself. We are not in a position to shell some major coin on a whim. But I had the support of my husband, both emotional and financial. I had the support of family and friends and the knowledge that I could earn the money for the workshop. The devastating truth is that part of my hesitation, while it had its roots in dollars and cents, was also born of doubt of my own self worth here. Do I deserve to go? Am I good enough to go? So yeah, the biggest part of my hesitation was fear.

I am so not happy about that. I'm not happy about a lot of things right now, but I know that I never want to be in this place again. I never want to miss an opportunity like this because I think I'm not good enough or I don't deserve it. Because I'm afraid to take the leap.

Other chances will come along (although Neel, to his chagrin has learned that that is not what I want to hear just yet!), and we've talked about how important it's become to me to hone this craft of mine. Not just here, but to travel and to mingle with new people and to be out in the world on my own. Next time, I can only hope that when the chance comes along, my arms and heart are open wide to grab it.

In the meantime, there are some exciting changes behind the scenes here at still+life. I'm busy. For the rest of the week, I'll just be posting a photo a day, but my hope is to have us up and running again near Thanksgiving. Either before or after. Depending on how things go. Changes are afoot! I'll be back for reals on Friday with my Five Things. Thanks for stopping by.

five things, november 11 edition

For Mark, SPOILER ALERT: The tortoise wins the race!

1. I think, as much as I loved Callum's play, I am SO GLAD to be done with our late night play practices.
2. I think I might be the only person in the world who likes the end of Daylight Savings!
3. I think I've learned a lot about myself in the last four weeks.
4. I think I'm sad that baseball is coming to an end. Double header tomorrow!
5. I think these are the five things I'm feeling grateful for this week:
    a. Really feeling part of my city and taking part of the political process.
    b. A lovely talk on the phone with my mom and a lovely visit with my dad.
    c. That our sweet pup Violet seems to be doing okay after her scary seizure.
    d. All of my new Blogging Your Way friends. I look forward to staying in
    touch!
    e. Each and every one of you who takes the time to stop by this space. Whether
    you comment or not, and I do love your comments, just knowing that you
    come by means the world to me.

Blogging My Way

I have mentioned several times over the past month that I have been taking an E-course called Blogging Your Way. While I have a little catching up to do and the forums are still open for a bit longer, the official part of the class came to a close on Monday.

Bittersweet day. Bitter because it's ending. Sweet because our time together has been so, so good.

As someone who writes everyday of her life, both personally and professionally, I'm actually struggling to find the words to express what a meaningful, nearly life-changing experience this class has been for me. A perfect mix of the technical and philosophical aspects of blogging, the class offered lessons from tapping into social media to finding your niche to tips for taking better photographs for blog posts. Each lesson was thoughtfully prepared and stunningly presented. (It should be no surprise that Holly Becker and Leslie Shewring have some good taste, people.) I learned so much! I was so busy learning that I haven't had time to start implementing! Not much at least. You may have seen some changes to the photos, maybe. But boy, have I been doing a lot of thinking. Leslie and Holly ask such wonderful thought-provoking questions about why we blog and more. I've learned a ton about blogging but a ton about myself in the process as well.

I have always been a somewhat private trespasser in the internets. Yeah, I have a blog, but I rarely comment on other blogs. (Not very nice, I know.) I lurked. I, oddly, figured that no one really wanted to hear what I had to say. Somewhat ironic, yes? A wonderful, wonderful bonus of this class has been the amazing other bloggers I've discovered along the way. Meeting them through their blogs. Commenting there and having them visit here has meant the world to me. There are some pretty amazing people writing and sharing out there...I'll start sharing some of these finds with you next week.

I expected to be inspired, and I was. I expected to learn some great tricks to assist in my blogging, and I did. I expected to maybe feel my way along this path a bit better, and I have. I did not expect to so completely fall back in love with my blog the way I did. I did not expect to open my heart to this genre and own my love of this blog the way I have. Blogging Your Way was so much more than a class. It was an incredible gift. My heart is full.

and so it goes

We went to a victory party last night!

Oh joy! Neel and I have always been passively political (and don't worry – especially you, Mark – I won't get all ranty here). We care, we vote, sometimes we give money. We've never been active beyond that. Well beyond yelling at the TV during debates, maybe. This time was different. I won't go into all the reasons why. Politics are as personal as religion, and while I believe in things passionately, I don't necessarily feel those beliefs belong here in this space. Make sense?

What I'll talk about instead is how compelling and gratifying it was to be so much more engaged in the process than we ever have been before. I think voting is both a duty and a privilege, but this time we did more. We showed up at events. We volunteered our time, we were way more "out there" in our beliefs than we ever had been. We wanted Callum to see how important it was to participate in the process. He loved it.

I spent most of the day yesterday at the polls. Saw a lot of neighbors and friends come to cast their vote. Thank goodness it didn't rain! The other guy was there too. Not just his staff, but the candidate himself. I have to admire that, even though I cringed at some of his tactics. (Our guy showed up too, but not until after my shift, of course!)

Senator Northam is from the Eastern Shore of Virginia...aren't the crabs on the cupcakes awesome? Still I had to go for the macaroons!

When we were invited to the Victory Party, we told Callum that if he finished his homework we'd go. My good kid worked hard at school yesterday. When he finished a quiz, he pulled out his social studies to work on. When he finished some make-up work, he grabbed his English to finish up. Two chapters of And Then There Were None when we got home, off to the polls to vote with Neel, and then we headed to the party!

Rebecca's husband Evans was a precinct captain, and he texted her the results from our district. In our neighborhood, we won!

The room slowly filled up.

The news was there!

Close to nine, a local delegate and our sheriff got up to speak. The room felt alive with excitement and anticipation as everyone gathered around the speakers. Precinct by precinct the news coming in seemed good. Suddenly we could hear some cheers from a back room, and Senator Northam's campaign manager darted in, giving the local delegate with the microphone a thumbs up, saying, "It's done!"

We all cheered wildly as Senator Northam walked in. It was a great moment, and I was so proud to be part of it. So moved. Before he took the microphone, Senator Northam caught sight of Callum and gave him a special wave (did I mention that he's a pediatrician?). I can't believe I got a photo of that!

The hug he gave his wife was really, really nice.

His thank yous were particularly moving, I felt, and at the end he said the thing I found to be the most compelling. He said that when he decided to run for re-election, he told his team and the consultants that he would only run a positive campaign. When told it would be risky, he said he didn't care. And he did. His campaign was aboveboard and positive and never once dipped into the mud. With a pretty near landslide win, Senator Northam proves that it can be done. He wants his campaign to be a model for other campaigns, and I for one, hope others from every party take note.

Well done, Senator. I'm proud to have you working for us for the next four years.