All you need is love {still + life}
Thursday, March 28, 2013 at 05:00AM 
This has been a big legal week for the US. Our Supreme Court (that's the big daddy of our legal system) heard two cases that pertain to the rights of same-sex couples to marry. Prop 8, a law in California, bans same-sex couples from actually getting married. On Tuesday, the constitutionality of that proposition was argued before the court. The Defense of Marriage Act, known as DOMA, was before the Supreme Court yesterday. DOMA, signed into law by President Clinton in 1996, basically says that marriage is between one man and one woman and therefore denies federal benefits and programs to same-sex couples. These benefits include tax savings, family and medical leave, and Social Security payments. This case was brought to the court on behalf of an 83-year old woman who was forced to pay over $300,000 in estate taxes when her partner of 42 years died, simply because they were of the same sex and could not legally marry.
Well. You all (y'all) probably know how I feel about this. It simply baffles me that I have the legal right to marry based on who I fell in love with and other people don't. And truthfully, it's a bit more complicated than that. Neel's mother was Irish and his father is East Indian, so he's bi-racial. His parents' marriage, which took place in Pennsylvania in 1965, could have easily been impacted by Loving vs. Virginia. That's the Supreme Court Case that legalized interracial marriage. Pennsylvania, however, had already legalized interracial marriage, and was in fact the first state to do so. In 1780. The parallels between the current cases before the court and Loving vs. Virginia are fascinating. The Supreme Court decision in Loving vs. Virginia refers back to the 14th Amendment and its Equal Protection Clause. This clause says simply that "no state shall ... deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."
Equal protection of the laws. Equal. Equality. We are not all the same, but we all deserve equality under the law.
I've talked to you about my friends Mark and Fred (my friend Fred from France) before. While we're watching this closely for so many friends (And by the way, I don't have "gay" friends, I have "friends."), we're watching the arguments on DOMA very closely because of Mark and Fred. On Tuesday, Mark posted this on his Facebook page:
Twenty-three years.
Four children.
Four homes.
Had money, lost money, had money, lost money, working on getting money.
And more mini-vans than you can shake a stick at.
If that's not a "marriage", I don't know what is.
Neel and I were joking with another friend that really, Fred and Mark do marriage better than we do: more kids, more houses, more minivans. They even go to church way more than we do. If you're going to deny someone rights, I'm not sure Neel and I should make the cut! However, because they are a same-sex couple, Fred's immigration status rests in the hands of the Supreme Court's repeal of DOMA and Mark and Fred's family rests in the hands in the repeal of DOMA. How can this be? How can what I take so for granted, the simple ins and outs of daily family life, become a matter of legislation for someone simply because of who he happened to fall in love with? Where would we be if Neel's parent's couldn't have married?
I believe in love. I believe in marriage. I will always, always fall down on the side of more, not fewer, rights for our citizens. If the family is the bedrock of our society, how can we deny anyone who chooses to come together and create one, no matter how, the basic right to do so?
All you need is love.
Reader Comments (10)
Beautifully said and photographed!
I keep my fingers crossed for your friends. They sure look like a very happy family.
Our country recently celebrated the 10th anniversary of the same sex marriage. But even with the legal back up, discrimination lurks around the corner. We still have a long way to go.
People can be so stupid!
This brought tears to my eyes. I don't know how anyone could not be for equal rights for all. The parallels between this marriage debate and the one in the 60s over interracial marriage are too striking to be ignored, and yet there are still bigots who insist the bible matters more than the constitution. Or THEIR version of the bible, because come on, how many different interpretations are there at this point? I'm not religious, and frankly religion doesn't have any bearing in marriage considering the state has to recognize it, but I'm pretty sure Jesus wasn't such an asshole? I don't know. All I know is looking at Mark and Fred and their beautiful children gives me faith in my own impending marriage. I hope with everything I have that the country gets this right. xoxo
BRAVO! A beautiful statement Lauren. And I've got Mark and Fred and the kids on the prayer list.
Lauren, you're killing me with this.
It was beautifully written and all of your facts were dead-on.
You've done me a great honor by writing this and I certainly owe you one.
I think someone has earned a coffee table for sure. wink!
Thank you so much and I'm so glad to call you and Neel, Friends. Not my "straight" friends, but just plain old Friends.
mark
How lovely Lauren! Rights are intrinsic for the whole of the citizens of the land, no? That's why there are called "rights." Why exactly is this an issue, I will never understand. Working in social services for years it astounds me how many children live life without one proper parent let alone two. It sickens me to no end that the rights of families, like your friends, are threatened because of fear, politics and ignorance. This was just so beautifully written and what a gorgeous family! Looks at those happy, happy shining faces! I will keep them in my thoughts. Thanks so much for sharing this story. PS I love the facebook status! xo
Beautifully written and captured, Lauren. The fact that Prop 8 passed in California still angers me. What up, California?! Well, I read that the Prop was backed by some heavy religious funding, so there you go. As a loving product of an interracial marriage, I fully support equal rights for all. Holding out hope for Mark and his family, and all families whose lives will be affected by this decision. xo
well, i hope it turns out well. families come all different ways - and you're right - love unites them. i miss mark's comments here. he's so fun and funny!
So beautifully written. This had me tearing up. I fully support equal rights for all. Hoping Mark and his family recieve the decision that they so deserve, that family regardless of sex,or race have the right to be together, Here's hoping the outcome is positive xx
Oh Lauren, this is exactly how I feel too. You know I'm a Christian but I have "gay" friends too. We had one of them as our best man in our Christian wedding. I don't care what people say or feel but they are my wonderful friends, so much so they are like family. I've been weighing on this issue on what is holy and what is love. All I can say is that coming from a girl who was born in a strict religion that consider women to be less superior and now having been a Christian for 15 years, I know in my heart that there is no prejudice in the love of God who made us all equal. Thanks for sharing this.